Lynne's Blog
Friday January 4, 2008
Blog #5
Hey Bloggers!!
Happy New Year!!! Well this is gonna be the best year ever I just know it started out doing live New years show for Comcast out of Orlando at Universal Studios where I got to meet the band Foreigner which was hilarious considering they were the first concert I ever saw live when I was in high school. The best part is what I wore that night. I actually got to go home to Va for Christmas this year(really nice) and when I told my mom that the guy who booked the gig wanted me to where a prom like dress( like the one I wore in my half hour special mom replied" why don't you just where your prom dress)? So I did a blue lame number cut on the bias I really looked crazy but it was fun. My opening joke was the true story that the last time I wore that dress I mad out to Foreigner, then I said tonight I 'm gonna make out WITH Foreigner!(Not true, but kinda funny).
So the night was long but fun, I decided my new years resolution was going to be to listen more then by the second time I hogged the conversation on the first I decided to change my resolution to watch more TV. and read less( things I know are achievable for me)ha! So far doing well almost done with whole first season of Lost.
Got to tour for weekend with my friend Lew Black last year and really can't imagine anything being better but I have high hopes for this year I am on the road a lot so please come see me if I am in Your area and keep me in your prayers that I am safe with all the travel. Anyone who has sent me a letter or note in response to my blogs, thank you so much for all your kind words they always come at the perfect time.
Now the begging…….
So do you remember last year at this time when Comedy central did the Stand-Up Showdown and all month everyone voted for their favorite comic and then at the end they picked the top twenty( It is very American Idol, because the voting really counts) anyway I was # 13 last year and it REALLY helped my career. This Month I started at #11 and then slowly moved down till the other night when I was dead last…. Woa it was like watching myself get marked down. So now I have become an industry whore cause I am begging people to vote for me (of course don't if you don't think I deserve it) but if you do I appreciate it. Every vote counts and my friends and fans (usually the same people) are awesome and I know we can do it. To those of you writing me and telling me about getting your office to vote or going to different computers it just blows my mind how supportive and great people can be when they want to e, and I already moved up to second to last in a day since my personal e-mails went out. So thanks gang I love and appreciate you all!!
Now I promise to keep up with the Blogs this year and the my Myspace I know I seem like a slacker just not use to being soo busy( that's a Blessing I am not complaining). Ok so gotta go walk the little dog now.
Remember we all have an entire New Year ahead of ourselves forgive and forget last year and start from scratch today it will be the best year ever!!
Big Kiss
Lynne
Saturday August 19th 2007
Blog #4
Hey Bloggers,
Sorry it has taken soo long again to blog, but life once again has gotten out of control(but in a good way)!
What has happened since the last time I wrote? I had a birthday(thanks for all the wishes) I went to Paris with my mom(we didn't kill each other)I taped a pilot for the IFC Channel, the whole show circulates around this real life Rock and Roll band called ZO2 and they are awesome!! you should check out there MySpace. I went to the Bonnaroo Festival and performed there with Lewis Black, it was an AMAZING experience, I had a blast!! Got to be right up fornt for the Police and I was actually on stage with Whitestripes it was sooo cool! There had to have been 80,000 people there, so you can only imagine what it was like to feel that kind of energy coming off the crowd, not to mention the band was great!
I have been on the road alot, I went to Ann Arbor Michigan and to Omaha Nebraska the last couple of weeks and it was alot of fun but HOT! I caught an awful cold while I was in Nebraska and it was possibly the closest I'll ever get to knowing what it feels like to be Courtney Love, since I had to perfom in front of 300 people hopped up on cold medicine. They are really nice to me however and it still wound up being fun. I did the radio alot this time out and that was funn too since I had already been to those stations before it was like returnig home.
I am back in NYC for a while with my loud little dog, and will soon be performing at the Mohegan Sun in Conneticut along with a few other exciting surpirises but I will tell you about them next time I tink I am getting a fever again and I have a show tonight so now it is time to cuddle up with the pup and take a little napp( what a life!!)
Smiles and Blessings
Lynne
Saturday May 26th 2007
Blog #3
Ok first, I really don't know where to begin. I can't believe it has been so
long since I wrote my last blog but to say I have been distracted or busy would
be an understatement.
Once again I sit in a new town and write this. This time I am in Marco Island
Florida, and it really is beautiful here. I am about to leave and go to the
beach. Tough life, huh?
This is how retarded I am when it comes to computers. Just today I realized
people were responding to my blog - I read all the respones and tried to get back
to some of you. I feel just awful that I can't write everyone right away. Again,
it is so exciting and odd to see I have fans and people even remotely interested
in my life. I can't explain really how much that touches me and lately inspires
me to really keep giving it my all. (Sometimes I entertain the thought of moving
to a small town in AL or Texas and making jewlery I sell on the side of the road
and running a community theatre). Don't get me wrong I love what I do but I
don't have the temperment for this kind of work. Truth is my temperment suits a
structured 9-5 kind of job with an income I can count on and not a lot of
rejection. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending how you look at it)
BUT, my PERSONALITY does NOT suit a 9-5 type of job! My dire need to be the
center of attention , to interact with others, to be creative and my horibble
apptitude to getting terribly restless when I am in one place too long makes
this the perfect career for me. I used to pray all the time for this job and I
still pinch myself. So please consider that when you hear me whining on my blogs.
The thing is I was the geeky kid in school, I mean waaay geeky, like got beat
up for it kinda geeky. So it is so strange to see people reading my blog or
coming to my shows. Thank you all so much. It really means more then you know.
Now what have I been up to? Well part of why it has taken a while to blog again
is because I tend to go away when I get in a bit of a funk or am very busy (or
both in this case). Which is where I have been the past 5 months or so. Then I
decided (with the help of prayer) that I should just come clean and be open
about things. After all people usually respond to the truth pretty well, so here
it goes....
I still have a develpoment deal with Fox and a script was written entitled "Boy
Crazy" but Fox passed on it for now, which means it probably is never going to
be made. My partner and I are still working on the book and have agents who were
scheduled to shop the book already but my computer crashed and being completely
computer illiterate it contributed to the project getting stalled for a bit.
I began a rather intense realtionship with someone (as I am prone to do, in the
beginning ) and for reasons not yet completely clear to me in a frightened panic
did all I could to sabotage that relationship and was quite sucessfull. He ended
it. Then I did what I do when someone pulls away - I "pet the bunny till it
dies". (Not literally of course) But I have a habit of getting very scared and very
needy when someone I care about needs space. "Space" says to me, I found you
out, you're not that funny or interesting on a daily basis and I need a
break. Basically leaving me with the feeling that I'm chocolate cake. Something
you really love to eat untill you eat too much then you unbuckle your trousers
and ask yourself what have I done and set out to get something more nutritious. Of
course you may crave me again later but not for a long while. Then I usually
need concrete reasons why you don't want to be in a relationship anymore,
which almost always (and definitely in this case) leads me to losing my cool. It
may have something to do with all the rejection of this business or the fact
that we left my dad when I was seven. (Two shrinks and a life coach have many
opinions on this) But truth is I think I just don't always feel worthy of the
love given to me so I act up like a child and I push the envelope to see if the
relationship is uncondtional and it almost never is. When I was younger I would
wait a while before that behavior surfaced but lately it moves faster. Sadly
with this last guy (good guy) it was about three months, maybe two (I had this
guy on the accelerated program) before I started getting really "exhausting".
Truth is I knew in my heart when it began we were moving too fast, but I am a
sucker for romance and should have stayed more guarded and focused on myself.
(But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Cliche but true). Need less to say,
I was left feeling incredibly frustrated, ridiculous and sad. (Lots of fun doing
comedy when you feel that way). Not to mention for three months we spoke
every day - morning and before bed sometimes (three in the morning sometimes). He is
in entertainment too and it made for a very compatable phone schedule. So now
that we stopped speaking all together it made the road feel more lonely than
usual. I do feel though that everything happens for a reason and that guy - though
not the "One" - was quite different then other guys I have dated and helped me to
set a new prototype in my head for what I want in a partner and what I should
expect from myself and that is a real Blessing for which I am very grateful,
and could be why our paths crossed in the first place.
Having said all that, I am in a constant struggle to clean up my comedy act,
realizing that I'm a Bad Ass Doll of Comedy - true, but I'm also very spiritual
and still in a battle to find a balance so that I don't appear to be a complete
hypocrite, to audiences, friends or to myself. Some of this realization came
from the fact that with everything in turmoil my manager forced me back out to
LA to pitch show ideas again. Feeling sad and rejected I went, 10 lbs lighter
than usual (tend to stop eating when the blues get the best of me). Painting on a
smile and doing a dog and pony show for the Hollywod crowd was even more
depressing which sent me straight into Neiman Marcus to buy a pair of $600
shoes (that I really shouldn't) have bought.
However LA turned out to be great. I had met Craig Ferguson on the road in New
York where I opened for him and he was generous enough to invite me to be on his
show and helped me out with some other career stuff (he and his asst Heather) are
truly genuine, kind, funny, nice people.
Well enough sad sack crap! Now here is the update and no more downers. But if
you people are gonna read this stuff, I felt you should get the truth instead of
a bunch of lame excuses as to why I haven't been more responsible at keeping up
with stuff. Plus I do read what you write to me and you have no idea how much it
matters that I can make some of you laugh. I really love that. I just thought
you should know that the "clown" acts nuts now and then and was really
overweight and geeky once, and feels insecure and screws up relationships and
spends money on stupid things, because so many people write me with what feels,
looks and seems like admiration. They tell me that they feel discouraged or sad,
that they are sick, or frustrated and I just want you to know you're not alone.
Most people feel that way. Hell I have worked with many celebrities and guess
what - they're just "fancy" people.
I have seen some of the most beautiful women that are in the public in their
undies in the dressing room with me and they have cellulite and pimples and
insecurities just like the rest of us. So I accept your admiration but not with
out you knowing the whole truth, and also knowing that I admire all of you, too.
No matter how great your life seems to others - we all have our demons, and I
admire you because the people who read this, know how to laugh at themselves and
when you're looking to laugh you're gonna be ok.
So here is more of an update on the above....
"Boy Crazy" has been written. It is good and we will continue to shop it if Fox
passes for good on it. I was extremely blessed to work on the creation of it
with a fabulous Hollywood showrunner and learned alot about writing and
collaborating and Hollywood.
I have wonderful agents and just pitched another show idea and with each new
idea I get they put me in front of someone who is interested in hearing about
it.
My new $600 shoes look great on me (if I do say so myself) and I had a gay man
on the street run across traffic to tell me he loved them. That is the true test
as to how fabulous your shoes are.
A wonderful stylist I haven't spoke to in years called me up out of the blue
and told me she had a friend that worked for this fabulous designer (Matty M
and Zinc) and that their clothes were being sold only in some very exclusive
stores (Fred Segal, Nordstom,etc) and that after watching my special they were
interested in giving me some clothes and lending me some for special
ocassions FOR FREE! Well, can you believe it sounded to good to be true and I
went to their showroom and guess what? Wonderful stuff (another blessing) left with
my arms and heart full. I wore one of there dresses on Craig Ferguson's show and
have been pretty much just wearing mostly their clothes for the last month. To
those of you who keep asking about the new yellow and white dress on my website
and the dress from the Ferguson show and the girls in Texas who gushed over my
gold tank (LOOVE THAT tank) - anyway you get the point! If you go to their website
you can find stores in your area or ask me if you see something specific you
gotta have.
I have a new booking agent for the road who is also spectacular and every time
I turn around he has booked me on another gig it seems, which means, I really
have a chance at honing my craft and being the best comic I can be. Not to
mention he is helping me with merchandise... should have new CD by winter and
t-shirts will be out with in the month.
My birthday is in July and my mother and I are going to Paris. We haven't been
on a vacation since I was little and I am really looking forward to it.
I finally bit the bullet and bought a brand new computer. It is wireless, with
all the bells and whistles. The whole deal was costly (coming from the idiot
that dropped $600 on shoes) - but worth it, because now I can start keeping up with
my website, myspace, book, etc.
My partner and I are back on track with our book and agents feel it will be
ready to shop in Sept to publishers.
I am single and hoping to stay that way for a while. I now realize that closure is an excuse to make an ass out of oneself and that time really can mend something if the Universe needs it to be
mended. Untill then I forgive myself for my stupidities and try to laugh at it all.
I am focusing on the positive and again and seeing each day as a new adventure,
I am truly blessed. I am begiining to love myself which is new for me. I have
always liked myself (but I get on my own nerves alot) and I have alot of respect
for my own perserverance. But loving myself - that's a new place for me to be and
I like it.
Look I hope I didn't freak anyone out or bore you too badly by being so corny
and open here - but I really felt moved to cut the crap for a minute and get real.
I mean I meet all of you now on a weekly basis. I shake your hands and hear your
stories and just wanted you to know that it keeps me going and I do think about
you and you do touch my life. Thats the way I see it. Nothing is by accident. We
come in and out of each others lives for a reason. You just have to make the
most of each moment. Let yesterday go and look forward to the possibilties of
tommorrow.
As my mom always says to me - "Most importantly remember, God (whatever God means
to you) didn't bring you this far to drop you on your head."
Smiles and Blessings
Lynne
Tuesday February 27th 2007
Blog #2 On the Road Again!
Hi,
Well, I haven't been on the road in quite some time and now I am back out there, and it really is a lot of fun. I haven't
wanted to do the road because I thought it would be lonely, but truth is I kinda welcome the break now from all the craziness my
daily life has in it. When I am on the road I'm not really expected to do anything other then Stand-up and that is a blast.
I really counted my blessings as I got to get up early do radio shows and a news show to promote my weekend gigs and then by 9:00 a.m.
I was back in my bed watching movies and eating breakfast,what a life I thought then Stand up at night---GREAT JOB.
Ok now that I make it all sound so wonderful truth is the second radio show I did I spilled hot coffee near the big console thingy
the moment we went on the air and they had to cut to a commercial and I had to leave, it was a very embarrassing spaz moment,
but I have so many of those moments that I am kinda use to it (I am very accident prone). Never the less I did feel bad for the
club owner that was with me. No worries however,cause the next day I went back on and everything was great! They even let me stay
on for two segments. I had a lot of fun in Kansas. Now I am home for one night to work on a book I am writing with a partner and
then Off to the Funny Bones in Omaha Nebraska,can't wait I've never been to Nebraska (I am so gay).
Now, to everyone that is asking about t-shirts and other merchandise. I am on it, please be patient one day I will get fancy and
hire an assistant, but right now most of this is my management team me and some cool web-guys (I know it sounds like a lot of
people - trust me it isn't, but i would be rocking in the corner with out them). Anyway my point is I know everyone is being
patient with me while I get all the kinks out... and I appreciate it.
I thought I was gonna pee my pants when i saw the girl at my Carolines show in a t-shirt she made with a sharpie marker that
quoted some of my act. If you are reading this thank you sweet T- shirt girl. I will have shirts for you soon so you can
throw out your sad (but sweet) ghetto,sharpie marker, welfare shirt. LOL.
On another note sorry again to the folks that
travelled from Omaha this past weekend to Kansas just to find out I would be in Omaha this weekend (forgot to post that on
web-site), but now I get to see you guys twice, see how I did that.
I have also been slacking a little on my myspace but I
will get back to it ASAP just getting over a bad cold.
Ok I have to put my runny nose to bed NyQuil time YEAH, that is the only cool part of a cold, I sleep so hard on that stuff.
Thanks again everyone for all your support i couldn't believe we sold out shows this weekend at Stanford and Sons Yahoo!
Smiles and Blessings
Lynne
Monday January 29th 2007
Hi Everybody,
Ok, first of all thank you so much for voting for me.You have no idea how gay I was Sunday I woke up (like I usually do right at noon and woke my little dog Aldo as I crawled across him to turn on Comedy central and snuggle back in, I then proceded to watch every special each time feeling just a little nervous because I never dreamed I would get past 19th, then on 14 my manager and I were on the phone and I told him," please Carlos Mencia is on there is no way I made it, he is great", again gay, but I felt really honored and kinda thrilled. You know when you get to do what you love to do and make a living at it I don't think you can feel any more blessed and now to go on my space and feel so much love and support it is really fun and exhilirating. I know all of you are just being sincere and sweet but you have no idea how much you are helping my career by voting and visiting my web-site. I can't say thank you enough.
In the past I have never really put a lot of effort into my career don't get me wrong I worked hard but I never had a web-site or anything because frankly it felt a little egotistical, I thought who the hell wants to read my weekly thoughts, but apparently some of you do.
I just want everyone to know that I am working on a Pilot for Fox, a book with a partner and still doing stand-up nightly so please bare with me while we get the site up and running. I do answer most of the my space questions myself. If you get a reply from me it IS me most of the time unless it is a bulletin like vote for me on comedy central that is the web guys helping me out but I read that stuff too. I read everything, unforunately lately not as many as I would like to, but every night before i go to bed usually after getting home from comedy or a late night writing session I try to read and respond to at least 20 or 30 people. Please be patient.
I hear ya Fla. and thanks to all the hits I am gettig from you on my web page and my space looks like I have two bookings now pending to come there in the spring.
I only hope I can remain worthy of all this attention. I am pretty sure you guys will keep me humble. I really appreciate all your kind words about my little jokes.
I may have to make a t-shirt that says suck that Lolly! What do you think? Well my darlings, in the future I will try to make this Blog thing more exciting but I am wiped and wanted to be sure to try and say thank you.
This is a fun ride thanks for goin on it with me (gay).
Smiles
and
Blessings
Lynne
p.s. The marriage proposals are hilarious believe me guys there is a reason I am not married dating me is like getting on the Cyclone at Coney Island great a couple times for a t-shirt but you have to ask yourself can I sit up front with my hands in the air for 20 years? (Hey I may put that in the next special- getting punchy better go) pps for those who are interested latest proof I am on my way to a nervous breakdown I just got a tattoo and I am in my 30's ok that's enough good night.
